Tuesday, December 30, 2008
it was a year of severe challenges, upheaval, dry heaving, self-loathing and self-destruction. 2008 was the year of 'do whatever the fuck you want and tell the consequences to bite me' which as it turns out wasn't necessarily the best strategy as the consequences did exactly that. it was a year of taking a sledgehammer to everything in the hopes of building something better but not really getting around to the construction phase.
'08 started out with me standing in the baxter cafeteria watching a ball drop while preparing for a 14 hour session of viable air sample collection, standing more or less alone in a near sterile room watching the time tick away on a counter. that should have been an omen, or at least should have been a clue to the tone for the year. for indeed this year felt like it took a lot of work to survive.
i don't know where i'll be when the ball drops but i know i'll be laughing with people who love me. and in the morning alicia and i are going to run 3 miles, jump in an ice cold lake and run the remaining .2 miles. it's called the resolution run and it seems like a good way to get ohhhhh nine going. from there my only resolutions for the year are don't eat meat, don't drink hard alcohol and don't forget to live.
Monday, December 29, 2008
- i used to have chronic stomach issues. not so much anymore. however while in cali i had a relapse. i don't know if its my family, the way they eat or so cal in general that brings it on but yeah...
- every year EVERY DAMN YEAR my mother insists on buying me and my brother in law matching all cotton boxers, typically containing some kind of cartoon character or other pop culture icon. more than once it has been scooby doo the most egregious of which had scooby's face jumping out of my package with his ass end appearing to be rammed up mine. this year it was the grinch on the front with large yellow eyes on the ass. the implication being i have eyes on my butt??? wtf?
- every year EVERY DAMN YEAR i tell my mother "do not buy me clothes, you haven't bought me anything i actually wanted to wear since the early 90's! i love you mom, but please don't do this!" she never listens.
- when i left town the city was blanketed in snow and ice. it's hard to look at it the same way now that it's gone.
- although this is the best forum for spreading lies and innuendo, it isn't the best forum for relating certain very exciting news. but i am excited and am grudgingly growing accustomed to the use of emoticons in the milieu of text messaging.
Tuesday, December 23, 2008
CW/S... good morning hot cakes
Sean Carl/ESZ... youre so sweet when you talk to me like that
CW/... only for those who deserve it
Sean Carl/ESZ... you make it in yesterday?
CW/S... I probably could've but decided not to
CW/... by your question it sounds like you didn't
Sean Carl/ESZ... oh hell no
Sean Carl/ESZ... i barely made it here today
Sean Carl/ESZ... i'm surprised i'm not dead
CW/... I'm glad your not dead
CW/... that's right, you're from Cali
CW/... rain causes driving issues for you guys
CW/... that was mean spirited
CW/... I take that back
CW/... it causes driving issues for people here too
Sean Carl/ESZ... i was going to say....like seattlites know how to drive in this crap
CW/... that's cause they're all Californians transplanted here
CW/... there I go again
CW/... I take that back too
Sean Carl/ESZ... you shouldnt
Sean Carl/ESZ... its true
Sean Carl/ESZ... because anyone who grew up here who is halfway sane left long ago
Sean Carl/ESZ... ooops
Sean Carl/ESZ... sorry
Sean Carl/ESZ... ....there I go....
CW/... but still... like most people here I'd rather you think I was your friend while I talk behind your back
Sean Carl/ESZ... "seattle....a place where everyone is friendly but nobody wants to be your friend"
CW/... tell 'im what he's won Johnny!
Sean Carl/ESZ... rainbow #2?
CW/... hmm... that one's over my hea
Sean Carl/ESZ... it refers back to a snide conversation we once had about happiness spray and rainbows
CW/... my memory isn't that good anymore. Too many whipped cream cans
Sean Carl/ESZ... i heard you moved on to paint thinner....
CW/S... nah too harsh
CW/... gold spray paint
Sean Carl/ESZ... that way you can be braindead AND fabulous?
Friday, December 19, 2008
yesterday was my very first snow day ever. i actually wound up getting paid to spend the day futzing around downtown and cap hill. i also learned a new math equation
converse + snow = ow
an amazing day all around.
Tuesday, December 16, 2008
Monday, December 15, 2008
- "Oh, we kid ourselves, there's future in the fucking. But there is no fucking future"
- "Think it's fair to say that I chose hopelessness And inflicted it on the rest of us. But at least I came to terms with my own mortality"
- "When you play pass the parcel with human bodyparts, Somebody might get head but someone will get hurt"
- "And it's your party but I'll die if I want to, die if I want to"
- "This is how you spell 'HAHAHA, I've destroyed the hopes and the dreams of a generation of faux-romantics'."
Friday, December 12, 2008
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Monday, December 8, 2008
- why yes. that is a shiny new tattoo. thanks for asking. if you're wondering - it's not that i'm wicked and jenna's sweet but rather it should be read like the phrase "wicked sweet". (as in wicked awesome, wicked pissa, wicked chowda etc.) either way i know i can always make my way in boston if need be, assuming i'm let out of the implied contract that requires me to constantly be within 50 feet of my sister tattoo.
- my tattoo artist was beautiful. i had to feign discomfort with having her boob repeatedly placed against my arm.
- some kid is going to love his iron man action set "with massive clip on arsenal".
- saturday spontaneously happened to revolve around punk rock
- urban craft uprising - lots of awesome homemade crafts. really wanted the hand-spun yarn but couldn't afford it. found out about yarnia. as alicia pointed out, the estogen in the air was so thick it could actually be tasted. there was like a sweet, screeching, high pitched chorus of "ohhhh my god"s, "that's sooo cute"s and "i just loooove that"s. spent $24 on the vast majority of my xmas shopping.
- punk rock flea market - slightly cooler than UCU, significantly cheaper, though exceptionally smaller. finished my xmas shopping for another $1 which i used to buy my cousin the best present i've probably ever given.
- punk rock donuts - soooo freakin tasty, and warm!!!!
- punk rock documentary night - another state of mind, pbr, burritos and the winking circle (which is NOT a porn).
- making great strides in completing my 2X2 rib scarf. i hope somebody likes green acrylic.
- i actually went grocery shopping for the first time in weeks. how i survived this long without doing so is a mystery.
- i watched screen door jesus which sucked and a dirty shame which didn't.
Thursday, December 4, 2008
toys for tats on sunday. i have no idea where to put it much less what to get but considering that i have to pick it off the flash wall there probably isn't a lot of forethought that really can go into it. here is what i am considering as potential possibilities:
- my butt - that way i would get to moon everyone in the shop.
- back of my neck - isn't that kinda gay?
- forearm - not sure how i feel about visible tattoos.
- right arm - it's pretty barren but a $60 tattoo isn't gonna do much there and i was kinda saving that space for something else.
- arm band - preferably barbed wire.
as far as general idea for the design here is what i'm ruminating:
- a dinosaur - only a good person would get a dinosaur tattoo.
- an anchor - i always wanted to live a life at sea, next best thing i think.
- a robot - who doesn't like robots.
- one of those things with a banner where you would usually put 'mom' or the name of your sweetheart, except i'll get something like 'dumbass', 'disgruntled' or 'poontang'. 'poontang' sounds like a great idea but i have to be realistic about the possibility of ending up in jail or god forbid prison where something like that would make things very awkward, very quickly.
- a leprechan - i'm a mick what the hell do you want from me?
i think i can maximize the size of the tattoo by getting something in black and white...ehh whatever. at this point i'm really aiming to get something just absolutely ridiculous and i'd appreciate your help so if you have a suggestion please comment. i'll even allow for anonymous posts in this circumstance. matter of fact every everyone should post anon for this. it'll be a fun game and on sunday you can see if you won. i could even make a prize.
the winner of the contest gets a 6er of prb tall boys - or in the alternative the winner can watch me drink 6 pbr tall boys and have me do their bidding for 2 hours.
Wednesday, December 3, 2008
Sean Carl/ESZ... i am now
CW/... welcome to another sunshiny day at _______
Sean Carl/ESZ... but its cloudy
CW/... outside it is
CW/... inside it's nothing but sunshine and rainbows
CW/... rainbows from the spray of happiness
Sean Carl/ESZ... since when?
Sean Carl/ESZ... where are they hiding these rainbows?
Sean Carl/ESZ... what else haven't you told me?
Sean Carl/ESZ... do you have to have a permanent position for them to give you badge access to the room where they fulfill all of your needs for both personal and professional growth in the form of happiness spray?
CW/... you mean nobody has shown you the basement?
Sean Carl/ESZ... no, but to their credit the training environment here is pretty lax...
CW/... you just found rainbow number 1
Sean Carl/ESZ... so it's a zen thing
Sean Carl/ESZ... you find the rainbows like taking a stone from you masters hand
Sean Carl/ESZ... the socratic method if you will
CW/... yes but a zen thing you must master on your own
CW/... nobody here will let you snatch it from them
Tuesday, December 2, 2008
- the parachuter (aka the commando) - a booger that clings to your nose hair in plain view, for all to see.
- the landmine - a dried booger placed on the underside of your desk by a disgruntled co-worker.
- the flubber - the gooey kind that stretches on it's way out and then slaps itself back together on your finger. frequently used to make landmines.
- the menses - the kind with a streak of blood in it.
- the croissant - the crusty ones. easily extractable thought ever so slightly painful as they frequently envelop nose hair.
- el gordo - the kind that is so big that, once cleared, instantly improves your ability to breathe. often a croissant/flubber combo.
- the cobain - a typically undersized booger which commits hari-kari by flinging itself out of your nose and on to the floor.
- the aurora - a variation of the cobain that winds up in someones drink.
- the douche - boogers that spontaneously leak from your nose after swimming.
Monday, December 1, 2008
the guy was asleep - in case you were wondering.
so how do you want to die?
Sunday, November 30, 2008
as the days wore on it did become painfully clear (in a literal sense) as to why i left and why i'm not going back. i could elucidate them, potentially and unintentionally insulting some people in the process (not you). the point is that this is home now. i could easily go back to so cal. i could be warm and well fed. i could numb my mind with video games and pot and satellite television and not worry about getting my bills paid. screw that. maybe this isn't how i expected my life to turn out. maybe if given the chance i would have done things differently and done more to try to alter the trajectory that brought me here. but i can't and no one can. this is the life i've made for myself and to whatever extent it is possible for me to be happy, i am. or at the very least at peace with my surroundings. so there.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
there are three stories as to the origin of the black eye.
1. i tried to break up a fight between two homeless guys on the bus. not sure how their fight started but i decided to intervene when they started yelling at some random girl who looked mighty frightened.
2. i got drunk on a tuesday and spent the evening with a wanna be dominatrix
3. chelsea needed to remind me to do the dishes more often.
the thing is all are equally plausible, so you can choose - depending on your perception of me.
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
- i arrived on friday. got some in and out and tecate tall boys. a perfect mix of my past and present states.
- was coaxed out by jerry to casey's. there is a no cursing rule there. go figure.
- wound up at some house somewhere on the east side of simi taking shots of champagne. i wonder how these things happen.
- saturday i ran around looking for clothes for the wedding, which was spectacular by the way. the friar said something in the sermon about the pain of the poor single people at the wedding. whatever. jerk.
- franny and cammy had a photo booth and all the free mgd i could handle. danced my ass off and my buzz went with it. wound up back at yankee doodles. 20 minutes later i was in TO. 45 minutes later i didn't want to be in TO anymore. 8.7 miles later and 3 hours later i called a cab. those miles being walked by me. it occurred to me to lay down near a bush but i heard critters and i don't feel safe sleeping around here.
- sunday i had a nice dinner with my mom and sister. took it easy. standard stuff.
- watched the love guru. TERRIBLE MOVIE!!!!!!!! mike myers has been playing the same character since i was 12, and now insists on slipping vern troyer into ever film he makes. throw jessica alba and justin timberlake in the mix and you have a recipe for a big fat turd.
- watched the hulk. i used to like edward norton. wtf????
- caught the lunch special at toppers yesterday. had a budweiser. what is it about cheap lager that makes me think of seattle? it's a non issue.
- stayed up until 5am playing some star wars game. can you say flashback?
- i've watched more tv and ate more food than i have in the 6 months since i left. the food i don't mind, but hell if i don't hate tv.
- ive been talking a lot of shit about simi. more than usual actually. try not to take it personally if you do live here. just remember that as much as you may like it i hate it with everything i have. we're still friends.
Sunday, November 23, 2008
Friday, November 21, 2008
with each passing moment i move closer and closer to my hour of departure. and with each of those moments my sense of dread increases exponentially. i imagine a scenario where one of these guys beats the hell out of me, spouting epithets about "granola slurping faggots from seattle" while gorging himself on a styrofoam carton full of spare ribs. trust me, these fears are not irrational. everybody comes from somewhere...i come from simi valley, california. home of the reagan library, the first rodney king trial, family annihilators and a disproportionate number of white people.
"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety" - Ben Franklin
Thursday, November 20, 2008
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
i don't eat meat often. once a week, maybe once every two, baconator here or there. next week though, i'm on going on a meat binge:
- carne asada tacos: ticos
- carne asada burrito: campos
- el especial burrito (carne asada breakfast burrito): campos
- bacon burrito: campos
- bacon-pepperoni pizza: toppers
- western bacon cheeseburger: carl's jr.
- double-double: in and out
- turkey dinner: aunt laurie's
- tri-tip: i'm sure someone will make it at some point
- cj roll: yomama
- blue crab roll: that other sushi place
- hamburger and cheese fries: the hat
this way when my grandma asks me why i'm so skinny i can honestly say 'i don't know...!'
Monday, November 17, 2008
i've become quite good at doing very little actual work while appearing to work my butt off. here is my list of pointers:
- look frustrated. this can be achieved by sighing loudly (which i already do as a tic), rubbing your face a lot or moving quickly past your bosses office.
- send out emails. lots of them. short, to the point emails that tell people things they already know, but written in the spirit of "just so everyone is on the same page". make sure the boss sees them.
- find minor points of policy and practice. interpret them in the strictest way possible then go to your supervisor with a proposal of how to adhere to them. quixotically cling to your proposal for as long as possible, long after any sane person would have said "you're right - that's just unreasonable".
- be away from your desk for as long as possible. find a quiet area in the building where people rarely if ever go to. stay there for a while. if someone does walk in make sure you can quickly grab something and look busy.
- carry moderately sized piles of folders or documents with you everywhere you go.
- occasionally take on a small piece of work for someone else, but do so with great pomp. "ohh man, i don't know when i'll be able to get to it, but if you leave it for me i'll squeeze it in by friday"
- complain. not about co-workers though. that never works. instead wail about your workload, but use this sparingly. it's like cayenne pepper - a little goes a long way.
- take on giant projects that no one has ever been able to tackle before. work on them VERY slowly. not only is there a low expectation for success, but also if you do fail it can be chalked up to the inherent difficulty which others before you obviously faced, which is why it was never done in the first place.
Sunday, November 16, 2008
Tuesday, November 11, 2008
Monday, November 10, 2008
- i either developed the gumption or the abandon necesary to knit on the bus. the day laborers who depart the 522 in lake city had some derisive things to say, but that other passenger who's always on my bus thought it was cool.
- the produce girl at the bm noticed me yesterday and made eyes. i smiled. after marriage, dating is the worst activity men and women ever sought to engage in together so there is no real use in talking to her, unless she wants to join our knitting polygon (see below). but it was good for my self-esteem.
- i lost my glasses somewhere between wingmasters and home on friday night. pretty sure i fell down at some point and stayed there for a little while. knew that last pitcher was a bad idea.
- in 391 a christian mob destroyed the library at alexandria on the pretense that it was a pagan temple to the muses. it's been estimated that had that not happened, henry VIII could have put a (hu)man on the moon. in 2008 a mormon political mob coaxed the electorate into revoking some californian's rights to engage in marriage. we've come a long way, baby. in truth i don't think anyone should be allowed to get married. however, to paraphrase bill maher, this is a free country and gay people have the right to be just as miserable as everyone else.
- alicia made the most amazing squash/onion/cheese pastry dinner on saturday. we watched pumpkin. jesse gave me the raddest present i've received in years.
- colonel is settling in nicely, save for his aversion to obie. but he has taken to giving me kisses and cuddling with me through the night.
- ck1 is ready to kill #3. it would be slightly disturbing to hear her vague and insincere threats were it not for the fact that she makes them in that soft-spoken minnesotan accent. "gosh darn it, i'm just gonna rip yur fucking head off, don't cha know".
- speaking of #3, shouldn't vaginal art be slightly more, ohhh i dunno, subtle? i could start a whole blog dedicated entirely to her questionable (in both skill and intent) art. "i am okay. just as i am. i am okay. just as i am. i am okay. just as i am."
- "i'm having trouble making sentences. i'm older but i don't feel any smarter."
- chelsea is organizing a knitting polygon tomorrow night (11/11) at the FDA house in ballard. other crafts are not allowed, except crochet (sorry). 7-11 pm. let me know if you need address/directions. we're going for a dodecahedron, will settle for a rectangle, but will more than likely end up with two solitary points.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
- Obama - fuck Nader
- Gregoire - Dino Rossi looks like a little pink penis with ears.
- I985 - opens restricted lanes during specified hours and synchronization of traffic lights; Yes, traffic sucks.
- I1000 - death with dignity; Yes, I favor death in any and all circumstances.
- I1029 - requires long term care workers to be certified as home care aides; No, it would raise health care costs for people who can barely afford them as it is.
- Congress: McDermott
- King County Charter Amendment (CA) 1 - would make elections division head a nonpartisan elected office; No. (because the league of women voters told me i should say no)
- CA2 - Shall Section 840 of the King County Charter be amended to add disability, sexual orientation, and gender identity or expression to the prohibited grounds for discrimination? Yes
- CA3 - Regional bureaucracy reduction - Yes
- CA4 - Shall Section 630 of the King County Charter be amended to authorize the county council to establish additional qualifications for separately elected officials who head
executive departments? ehh fuck why not - Yes
- CA5 - Shall the King County Charter be amended to require the establishment of a forecast council and an office of economic and financial analysis? i don't know - skip it.
- CA6 - Shall Sections 410 and 420 of the King County Charter be amended to impose deadlines that are twenty days earlier than existing deadlines for county agencies to submit budget information to the county executive and for the county executive to present a proposed budget to the county council? What the hell does that even mean?
- CA7 - Shall King County Charter Section 800 be amended to establish a new process for citizens to directly propose amendments to the King County Charter and to increase the signature threshold for citizen-initiated charter amendments from 10% to 20% of the votes cast in the last election for county executive? No. Increases number of signatures needed to get a charter amendment on the ballot.
- CA8 - Shall the King County Charter be amended to make the offices of King county executive, King county assessor and King county council nonpartisan, and to establish the nonpartisan selection of districting committee members? Sure. Why not?
- Sound Transit Proposition 1 - 17.9 billion in public transportation improvements?OH FUCK YES!!!! i'll take a half cent tax increase if it means it wont take 2 hours to ride the bus to work.
- Seattle Prop 1 - property tax increase to pay for one time capital improvements to pikes market. Yes - a. i don't own property and won't have to pay for it. b. it's a nice place.
- SP 2 - property tax increase to pay for more parks. I'm gonna go with No. seattle has plenty of parks and SP1 is more important this cycle.
for everything else i'm just gonna have to wing it based on party affiliation and candidate statements.
Monday, November 3, 2008
halloween was spectactular. i'd like to thank chelsea, jonathan and alicia for their hard work on the committee, as well as all of you who attended. i can honestly say it was
Friday, October 31, 2008
if you haven't gotten a text, one of 4 myspace bulletins from the FDA committee members or have otherwise been incommunicado over the last few weeks, there is going to be a serious halloween party tonight.
once again it's BYOB but there will be some liquor (just to get things going) and a plethora of treats. live music, costume contest, dance party and possibly a bonfire. (according to weatherbug there will be a bonfire, according to my eyes as i look out the window, there won't) also, vegan blueberry french toast in the morning. (i thought it was gonna be pancakes, but it isn't - sorry)
the turn out should be pretty damn high, so grab a couple friends and help us turn this one into a real barn-burner. and if none of that was enough to make you want to come to our party, i'm pretty sure i'm gonna have a pineapple broken over my ass again - but this time i'll be wearing booty shorts. HOT DAMN!!!!!! Starts at 8, but we know you're not coming until around 9. right?
6730 19th Ave NW
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Monday, October 27, 2008
Friday, October 24, 2008
next friday. doors open at 8.
musical performance by the little black bottles around 10. an opening act might be appearing but this is still kinda up in the air.
there will be pink panty droppers and vegan goodies.
finally, chelsea has volunteered to make vegan pancakes in the morning for anybody who feels like getting trashed enough to wake up dehydrated and hungry in ballard.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Monday, July 7, 2008
Wednesday, April 30, 2008
Wednesday, April 9, 2008
i stopped dead where i stood and said:
me: "holyfuck i just crapped myself!!!"
friend: "are you serious, did you just shart? hahahahahahaha".
me: "dude what the fuck?!?!?!?!"
friend: "dude, are you serious did you really just crap?"
me: "i can feel it running down the back of my legs"
friend: (laughing hysterically) "when was the last time you sharted?"
me: "my honeymoon"
friend: (laughing goes from hysterical to roaring)
so then i had to call a lead and tell them that i had to go home and change. i lied about why thinking it was an isolated incident. but it wasnt. so then i got to call a supervisor and tell him that i lied to the lead, had an 'incident' on my walk, and wouldnt be able to return to work as i am now writing this between violent bouts of 'expulsion' of all manners.
it is kinda gross and pretty damn embarrassing. but its also funny as hell and i couldnt help but share. what can i say im an open book.