Monday, August 17, 2009

Thursday, August 6, 2009

"i've got a sinking suspicion that this feels like revenge"

this is the last post of smoking in the shower.

it's been fun spilling my guts to all you fine folks but all things must come to an end.

i'm starting a new project soon.

if i want you to know about it, you will (including you cheryl).

in the meantime keep your eyes on crappypaintart.

if you read my blog to periodically check in on me or my mental state, you could always just call or email. i prefer email. i'm not a 'phone talker' and it lets me respond when i want to. texts are ok too.

thanks for the comments.

thanks for not calling the mental health authorities.

thanks for the laughs.

peace out.


Monday, August 3, 2009

monday is the best day for backsliding

i should admit the constant nausea isn't solely caused by the summertime pickling adventure. it doesn't always feel good to wake up alone but the consequences of having someone there are too severe. it's too scary. i don't want the burden. and what kind of person wants to watch this anyways? there's a tragic beauty to all of it; but even i get sick of me and what i've created. i too like me more when i'm drunk, maybe i should go back to self-loathing. it might be healthier. i can't remember the last time i cried. someone had to remind me of it. i laughed it off. it sounds so pedestrian when someone else reads it back to you. so standard. i do it for a reason. we all do. dfw reminded me that i'm not at the center of the universe. it didn't really make me feel better. i know what happens if this doesn't stop. it's part of how i ended up here. the people who hurt me the most are the ones who couldn't or wouldn't stick around to see how it ends. can't say i blame them.

not anymore.

Sunday, August 2, 2009

little buddy/big buddy

little buddy/big buddy, originally uploaded by Flaming Pony.

i love this picture and i love you.