Wednesday, April 30, 2008

just so you know...

im not going to kill myself in seattle

if i ever do off myself it will be

in the glow of the warm california sun

hanging from a live oak

thanks for your concern

stop saying that

Wednesday, April 9, 2008

afraid to fart

the day started out well, or at least as well as a day can start for me recently. i went to work, collected water and said to my friend "wanna get some del taco?". "that sounds yummy he replied" (why this grown man used the word 'yummy' is another question). so we got some breakfast burritos, went back to work, ate and then went off for our daily post-breakfast walk. everything was fine until i decided to relieve myself of a little bit of 'digestive gas'.

i stopped dead where i stood and said:
me: "holyfuck i just crapped myself!!!"
friend: "are you serious, did you just shart? hahahahahahaha".
me: "dude what the fuck?!?!?!?!"
friend: "dude, are you serious did you really just crap?"
me: "i can feel it running down the back of my legs"
friend: (laughing hysterically) "when was the last time you sharted?"
me: "my honeymoon"
friend: (laughing goes from hysterical to roaring)

so then i had to call a lead and tell them that i had to go home and change. i lied about why thinking it was an isolated incident. but it wasnt. so then i got to call a supervisor and tell him that i lied to the lead, had an 'incident' on my walk, and wouldnt be able to return to work as i am now writing this between violent bouts of 'expulsion' of all manners.

it is kinda gross and pretty damn embarrassing. but its also funny as hell and i couldnt help but share. what can i say im an open book.