Friday, July 31, 2009

platonic love

"As we exchanged tight hugs and maudlin sentiments last night, _______ charged me with the task of taking care of you. You woke up this morning on top of a cheeseburger and ate Fred Meyer sushi for lunch. So far I am doing a terrible job." - anonymous

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

Monday, July 27, 2009

fucking a right

fucking a right, originally uploaded by Flaming Pony.

everything is and everything will be

Friday, July 24, 2009

i take it all back

setbacks are always temporary

barriers can be broken

scrapes scab over

wounds heal

people can be redeemed

slights can be forgiven

days always end

disappointed relieved

the good can be seen

the bad can be reckoned with

as long as we're all together

we can do anything

everything will be okay

totally awesome

wicked sweet

Solution Preparation for Benzyl Alcohol Peroxide Assay

Dearest Jesus-

Get me the fuck out of here.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009

i'm going back to friendster?

so last night i'm eating dinner with my friend. i get a facebook friend request on my phone. i glance over it. i see the name "jackie". the only jackie i can think of was a kindly, talkative and somewhat cute friend i made in a bar on sunday. but we only talked for like 5 minutes before i rushed out, so how the hell did she find me on the interwebs?

i fully open the message and realize i know another person named jackie. my grandma. my grandma is on facebook.

goddamn it.

i suppose this is my punishment for not calling her often enough.

Monday, July 20, 2009

dropping the familial soap

i tried to write him a letter. i don't know what to say.

"congrats on being the first one in the family to go to jail. hope youre enjoying the pruno. see you in october. p.s. don't be afraid to poop yourself if you feel it's necessary."

seems a little crass.

better to say nothing at all.


i don't even know where to begin. any recap would contain one glaring omission and the omitted subject is really the only thing worth talking about. but we can't - not here.

i want to go to sleep.

Tuesday, July 14, 2009

i've resigned myself to the fact that a certain aspect of my life will always be one massive clusterfuck.

Monday, July 13, 2009

they've come to snuff the rooster

  • it feels good to be naked outside.
  • nudist resorts are about 2/3 dudes (nudists apparently blame this on the pressures society put on women) .
  • you don't really want to look at 97% of the people.
  • you'll see more cocks in one day than you've seen in your entire life. well, some of you will.
  • i was amazed at the diversity of male gentalia and how many dudes had really small ones and how few dudes had really big ones. i really did feel bad for them.
  • i helped set the guinness world record for largest simultaneous skinny dip.
  • realized that "i am okay, just as i am".

Friday, July 10, 2009

Person Optimized for Nocturnal Yelling, Ceaseless Assassination and Rational Learning
get/'>">Get Your Cyborg Name

Wednesday, July 8, 2009

virgin white noise

you gotta be fucking kidding me....

off-white noise

  • i've noticed a disturbing trend in colloquialisms recently; chillax, natch or totes - not okay! this is a recurring problem. spec-tac is acceptable.
  • summer is exhausting.
  • portland is spec-tac.
  • for some reason there are random counties in nebraska, colorado and utah where, going against the state trend, the term "soda" is preferable to "pop".
  • i'm trying to find a new job. i'm not trying very hard. trying is difficult.
  • i've named my stomach 'howard'. shut the fuck up howard!
  • seriously thinking about moving to athens. mainly because theo hilton once told an entire audience they should and i happened to be in that audience. that's practically an invitation for me to go sleep on his couch.
  • i still haven't decided if this is actually worth posting.

Wednesday, July 1, 2009


i am dreaming of a life that forever keeps me at arms length from powerpoint presentations