Sunday, November 30, 2008

bastion of the malcontent

while on my pseudo-vacation to cali, seattle and i had our six month anniversary. it seemed apropos to be back there when that happened. when i was getting ready to leave i was kicking around the thought that i would be tempted to return to cali. in hindsight that was damn stupid. i got to see some friends and family members, even some former family members. it was nice to catch up, have a drink (then another drink, repeat ad nausem) get a taco etc.

as the days wore on it did become painfully clear (in a literal sense) as to why i left and why i'm not going back. i could elucidate them, potentially and unintentionally insulting some people in the process (not you). the point is that this is home now. i could easily go back to so cal. i could be warm and well fed. i could numb my mind with video games and pot and satellite television and not worry about getting my bills paid. screw that. maybe this isn't how i expected my life to turn out. maybe if given the chance i would have done things differently and done more to try to alter the trajectory that brought me here. but i can't and no one can. this is the life i've made for myself and to whatever extent it is possible for me to be happy, i am. or at the very least at peace with my surroundings. so there.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

smoked turkey never tasted so bitter

When I helped you put away the smoker, you said it'd be a year or two before you got it out again. In our heads we both knew the next time we'd see each other, one of us would be dead. Somethings just shouldn't be said outloud.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

the red dragon speaks on race relations

coming clean

100_4396, originally uploaded by Flaming Pony.

there are three stories as to the origin of the black eye.

1. i tried to break up a fight between two homeless guys on the bus. not sure how their fight started but i decided to intervene when they started yelling at some random girl who looked mighty frightened.
2. i got drunk on a tuesday and spent the evening with a wanna be dominatrix
3. chelsea needed to remind me to do the dishes more often.

the thing is all are equally plausible, so you can choose - depending on your perception of me.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

so far so...meh

  • i arrived on friday. got some in and out and tecate tall boys. a perfect mix of my past and present states.
  • was coaxed out by jerry to casey's. there is a no cursing rule there. go figure.
  • wound up at some house somewhere on the east side of simi taking shots of champagne. i wonder how these things happen.
  • saturday i ran around looking for clothes for the wedding, which was spectacular by the way. the friar said something in the sermon about the pain of the poor single people at the wedding. whatever. jerk.
  • franny and cammy had a photo booth and all the free mgd i could handle. danced my ass off and my buzz went with it. wound up back at yankee doodles. 20 minutes later i was in TO. 45 minutes later i didn't want to be in TO anymore. 8.7 miles later and 3 hours later i called a cab. those miles being walked by me. it occurred to me to lay down near a bush but i heard critters and i don't feel safe sleeping around here.
  • sunday i had a nice dinner with my mom and sister. took it easy. standard stuff.
  • watched the love guru. TERRIBLE MOVIE!!!!!!!! mike myers has been playing the same character since i was 12, and now insists on slipping vern troyer into ever film he makes. throw jessica alba and justin timberlake in the mix and you have a recipe for a big fat turd.
  • watched the hulk. i used to like edward norton. wtf????
  • caught the lunch special at toppers yesterday. had a budweiser. what is it about cheap lager that makes me think of seattle? it's a non issue.
  • stayed up until 5am playing some star wars game. can you say flashback?
  • i've watched more tv and ate more food than i have in the 6 months since i left. the food i don't mind, but hell if i don't hate tv.
  • ive been talking a lot of shit about simi. more than usual actually. try not to take it personally if you do live here. just remember that as much as you may like it i hate it with everything i have. we're still friends.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

2008-far from great.
2009-should be just fine.

Friday, November 21, 2008

Benny where art thou?

with each passing moment i move closer and closer to my hour of departure. and with each of those moments my sense of dread increases exponentially. i imagine a scenario where one of these guys beats the hell out of me, spouting epithets about "granola slurping faggots from seattle" while gorging himself on a styrofoam carton full of spare ribs. trust me, these fears are not irrational. everybody comes from somewhere...i come from simi valley, california. home of the reagan library, the first rodney king trial, family annihilators and a disproportionate number of white people.

"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety" - Ben Franklin

Thursday, November 20, 2008

you're a winner

100_4356, originally uploaded by Flaming Pony.

alicia hid the taste of tofu from me yesterday.

she's a real winner in my book. a good friend too.

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

oh internet

Take me home

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

tastes like cruelty

i don't eat meat often. once a week, maybe once every two, baconator here or there. next week though, i'm on going on a meat binge:

  • carne asada tacos: ticos
  • carne asada burrito: campos
  • el especial burrito (carne asada breakfast burrito): campos
  • bacon burrito: campos
  • bacon-pepperoni pizza: toppers
  • western bacon cheeseburger: carl's jr.
  • double-double: in and out
  • turkey dinner: aunt laurie's
  • tri-tip: i'm sure someone will make it at some point
  • cj roll: yomama
  • blue crab roll: that other sushi place
  • hamburger and cheese fries: the hat

this way when my grandma asks me why i'm so skinny i can honestly say 'i don't know...!'

Monday, November 17, 2008


i've become quite good at doing very little actual work while appearing to work my butt off. here is my list of pointers:

  1. look frustrated. this can be achieved by sighing loudly (which i already do as a tic), rubbing your face a lot or moving quickly past your bosses office.
  2. send out emails. lots of them. short, to the point emails that tell people things they already know, but written in the spirit of "just so everyone is on the same page". make sure the boss sees them.
  3. find minor points of policy and practice. interpret them in the strictest way possible then go to your supervisor with a proposal of how to adhere to them. quixotically cling to your proposal for as long as possible, long after any sane person would have said "you're right - that's just unreasonable".
  4. be away from your desk for as long as possible. find a quiet area in the building where people rarely if ever go to. stay there for a while. if someone does walk in make sure you can quickly grab something and look busy.
  5. carry moderately sized piles of folders or documents with you everywhere you go.
  6. occasionally take on a small piece of work for someone else, but do so with great pomp. "ohh man, i don't know when i'll be able to get to it, but if you leave it for me i'll squeeze it in by friday"
  7. complain. not about co-workers though. that never works. instead wail about your workload, but use this sparingly. it's like cayenne pepper - a little goes a long way.
  8. take on giant projects that no one has ever been able to tackle before. work on them VERY slowly. not only is there a low expectation for success, but also if you do fail it can be chalked up to the inherent difficulty which others before you obviously faced, which is why it was never done in the first place.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

lunchtime entrepreneurial idea

lay-away prostitution ring.

Monday, November 10, 2008


  • i either developed the gumption or the abandon necesary to knit on the bus. the day laborers who depart the 522 in lake city had some derisive things to say, but that other passenger who's always on my bus thought it was cool.
  • the produce girl at the bm noticed me yesterday and made eyes. i smiled. after marriage, dating is the worst activity men and women ever sought to engage in together so there is no real use in talking to her, unless she wants to join our knitting polygon (see below). but it was good for my self-esteem.
  • i lost my glasses somewhere between wingmasters and home on friday night. pretty sure i fell down at some point and stayed there for a little while. knew that last pitcher was a bad idea.
  • in 391 a christian mob destroyed the library at alexandria on the pretense that it was a pagan temple to the muses. it's been estimated that had that not happened, henry VIII could have put a (hu)man on the moon. in 2008 a mormon political mob coaxed the electorate into revoking some californian's rights to engage in marriage. we've come a long way, baby. in truth i don't think anyone should be allowed to get married. however, to paraphrase bill maher, this is a free country and gay people have the right to be just as miserable as everyone else.
  • alicia made the most amazing squash/onion/cheese pastry dinner on saturday. we watched pumpkin. jesse gave me the raddest present i've received in years.
  • colonel is settling in nicely, save for his aversion to obie. but he has taken to giving me kisses and cuddling with me through the night.
  • ck1 is ready to kill #3. it would be slightly disturbing to hear her vague and insincere threats were it not for the fact that she makes them in that soft-spoken minnesotan accent. "gosh darn it, i'm just gonna rip yur fucking head off, don't cha know".
  • speaking of #3, shouldn't vaginal art be slightly more, ohhh i dunno, subtle? i could start a whole blog dedicated entirely to her questionable (in both skill and intent) art. "i am okay. just as i am. i am okay. just as i am. i am okay. just as i am."
  • "i'm having trouble making sentences. i'm older but i don't feel any smarter."
  • chelsea is organizing a knitting polygon tomorrow night (11/11) at the FDA house in ballard. other crafts are not allowed, except crochet (sorry). 7-11 pm. let me know if you need address/directions. we're going for a dodecahedron, will settle for a rectangle, but will more than likely end up with two solitary points.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

civic doody

  • Obama - fuck Nader
  • Gregoire - Dino Rossi looks like a little pink penis with ears.
  • I985 - opens restricted lanes during specified hours and synchronization of traffic lights; Yes, traffic sucks.
  • I1000 - death with dignity; Yes, I favor death in any and all circumstances.
  • I1029 - requires long term care workers to be certified as home care aides; No, it would raise health care costs for people who can barely afford them as it is.
  • Congress: McDermott
  • King County Charter Amendment (CA) 1 - would make elections division head a nonpartisan elected office; No. (because the league of women voters told me i should say no)
  • CA2 - Shall Section 840 of the King County Charter be amended to add disability, sexual orientation, and gender identity or expression to the prohibited grounds for discrimination? Yes
  • CA3 - Regional bureaucracy reduction - Yes
  • CA4 - Shall Section 630 of the King County Charter be amended to authorize the county council to establish additional qualifications for separately elected officials who head
    executive departments? ehh fuck why not - Yes
  • CA5 - Shall the King County Charter be amended to require the establishment of a forecast council and an office of economic and financial analysis? i don't know - skip it.
  • CA6 - Shall Sections 410 and 420 of the King County Charter be amended to impose deadlines that are twenty days earlier than existing deadlines for county agencies to submit budget information to the county executive and for the county executive to present a proposed budget to the county council? What the hell does that even mean?
  • CA7 - Shall King County Charter Section 800 be amended to establish a new process for citizens to directly propose amendments to the King County Charter and to increase the signature threshold for citizen-initiated charter amendments from 10% to 20% of the votes cast in the last election for county executive? No. Increases number of signatures needed to get a charter amendment on the ballot.
  • CA8 - Shall the King County Charter be amended to make the offices of King county executive, King county assessor and King county council nonpartisan, and to establish the nonpartisan selection of districting committee members? Sure. Why not?
  • Sound Transit Proposition 1 - 17.9 billion in public transportation improvements?OH FUCK YES!!!! i'll take a half cent tax increase if it means it wont take 2 hours to ride the bus to work.
  • Seattle Prop 1 - property tax increase to pay for one time capital improvements to pikes market. Yes - a. i don't own property and won't have to pay for it. b. it's a nice place.
  • SP 2 - property tax increase to pay for more parks. I'm gonna go with No. seattle has plenty of parks and SP1 is more important this cycle.

for everything else i'm just gonna have to wing it based on party affiliation and candidate statements.

Monday, November 3, 2008

"ohhhhhhh it's magic"

yes. this is what has become of my life - playing magic. after a killer show at HTFC i was invited to a little midnight magic session. without thining twice i migrated away from fun central to spend 4 hours playing a fantasy, turn based card game. god help me.

halloween was spectactular. i'd like to thank chelsea, jonathan and alicia for their hard work on the committee, as well as all of you who attended. i can honestly say it was
my raddest halloween ever. i got a few pics up on my flickr with more to come as they trickle in.