bastion of the malcontent

while on my pseudo-vacation to cali, seattle and i had our six month anniversary. it seemed apropos to be back there when that happened. when i was getting ready to leave i was kicking around the thought that i would be tempted to return to cali. in hindsight that was damn stupid. i got to see some friends and family members, even some former family members. it was nice to catch up, have a drink (then another drink, repeat ad nausem) get a taco etc.

as the days wore on it did become painfully clear (in a literal sense) as to why i left and why i'm not going back. i could elucidate them, potentially and unintentionally insulting some people in the process (not you). the point is that this is home now. i could easily go back to so cal. i could be warm and well fed. i could numb my mind with video games and pot and satellite television and not worry about getting my bills paid. screw that. maybe this isn't how i expected my life to turn out. maybe if given the chance i would have done things differently and done more to try to alter the trajectory that brought me here. but i can't and no one can. this is the life i've made for myself and to whatever extent it is possible for me to be happy, i am. or at the very least at peace with my surroundings. so there.

smoked turkey never tasted so bitter

When I helped you put away the smoker, you said it'd be a year or two before you got it out again. In our heads we both knew the next time we'd see each other, one of us would be dead. Somethings just shouldn't be said outloud.

the red dragon speaks on race relations

coming clean

100_4396, originally uploaded by Flaming Pony.

there are three stories as to the origin of the black eye.

1. i tried to break up a fight between two homeless guys on the bus. not sure how their fight started but i decided to intervene when they started yelling at some random girl who looked mighty frightened.
2. i got drunk on a tuesday and spent the evening with a wanna be dominatrix
3. chelsea needed to remind me to do the dishes more often.

the thing is all are equally plausible, so you can choose - depending on your perception of me.

so far so...meh

• i arrived on friday. got some in and out and tecate tall boys. a perfect mix of my past and present states.
• was coaxed out by jerry to casey's. there is a no cursing rule there. go figure.
• wound up at some house somewhere on the east side of simi taking shots of champagne. i wonder how these things happen.
• saturday i ran around looking for clothes for the wedding, which was spectacular by the way. the friar said something in the sermon about the pain of the poor single people at the wedding. whatever. jerk.
• franny and cammy had a photo booth and all the free mgd i could handle. danced my ass off and my buzz went with it. wound up back at yankee doodles. 20 minutes later i was in TO. 45 minutes later i didn't want to be in TO anymore. 8.7 miles later and 3 hours later i called a cab. those miles being walked by me. it occurred to me to lay down near a bush but i heard critters and i don't feel safe sleeping around here.
• sunday i had a nice dinner with my mom and sister. took it easy. standard stuff.
• watched the love guru. TERRIBLE MOVIE!!!!!!!! mike myers has been playing the same character since i was 12, and now insists on slipping vern troyer into ever film he makes. throw jessica alba and justin timberlake in the mix and you have a recipe for a big fat turd.
• watched the hulk. i used to like edward norton. wtf????
• caught the lunch special at toppers yesterday. had a budweiser. what is it about cheap lager that makes me think of seattle? it's a non issue.
• stayed up until 5am playing some star wars game. can you say flashback?
• i've watched more tv and ate more food than i have in the 6 months since i left. the food i don't mind, but hell if i don't hate tv.
• ive been talking a lot of shit about simi. more than usual actually. try not to take it personally if you do live here. just remember that as much as you may like it i hate it with everything i have. we're still friends.

2008-far from great.
2009-should be just fine.

Benny where art thou?

with each passing moment i move closer and closer to my hour of departure. and with each of those moments my sense of dread increases exponentially. i imagine a scenario where one of these guys beats the hell out of me, spouting epithets about "granola slurping faggots from seattle" while gorging himself on a styrofoam carton full of spare ribs. trust me, these fears are not irrational. everybody comes from somewhere...i come from simi valley, california. home of the reagan library, the first rodney king trial, family annihilators and a disproportionate number of white people.

"They who can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety" - Ben Franklin