cropdusting the warehouse

-"did you say 'the thong'?"
-"no, i said 'the thon' as in 'the marathon'"
-"oh well that's good because..."
-"i let one go. that's why i'm walking away now"
-"thanks for the warning" (cough)

personal and professional growth

CW/S... you there?
Sean Carl/ESZ... i am now
CW/... sweet!
CW/... welcome to another sunshiny day at _______
Sean Carl/ESZ... but its cloudy
CW/... outside it is
CW/... inside it's nothing but sunshine and rainbows
CW/... rainbows from the spray of happiness
Sean Carl/ESZ... since when?
Sean Carl/ESZ... where are they hiding these rainbows?
Sean Carl/ESZ... what else haven't you told me?
Sean Carl/ESZ... do you have to have a permanent position for them to give you badge access to the room where they fulfill all of your needs for both personal and professional growth in the form of happiness spray?
CW/... you mean nobody has shown you the basement?
Sean Carl/ESZ... no, but to their credit the training environment here is pretty lax...
CW/... congratulations
CW/... you just found rainbow number 1
Sean Carl/ESZ... so it's a zen thing
Sean Carl/ESZ... you find the rainbows like taking a stone from you masters hand
Sean Carl/ESZ... the socratic method if you will
CW/... yes but a zen thing you must master on your own
CW/... nobody here will let you snatch it from them

booger types

1. the parachuter (aka the commando) - a booger that clings to your nose hair in plain view, for all to see.
2. the landmine - a dried booger placed on the underside of your desk by a disgruntled co-worker.
3. the flubber - the gooey kind that stretches on it's way out and then slaps itself back together on your finger. frequently used to make landmines.
4. the menses - the kind with a streak of blood in it.
5. the croissant - the crusty ones. easily extractable thought ever so slightly painful as they frequently envelop nose hair.
6. el gordo - the kind that is so big that, once cleared, instantly improves your ability to breathe. often a croissant/flubber combo.
7. the cobain - a typically undersized booger which commits hari-kari by flinging itself out of your nose and on to the floor.
8. the aurora - a variation of the cobain that winds up in someones drink.
9. the douche - boogers that spontaneously leak from your nose after swimming.

seriously?

same offramp. same exact spot. this time some guy was puking out of his car. what is going on around here?

dysfunction

it may have taken six months of exposure to northwest passive aggression, but i realize now that my family yells at each other WAY too much.

no wonder my aunt from portland always seemed so weird.

policies and procedures

i'm not approving anonymous comments anymore.

unless it's a wonderous masterpiece of literary perfection produced by some genius wordsmith - don't even bother.

own your shit.

all i want for christmas is lowgrade narcolepsy

this morning i exited the 405 at exit 26 in bothell. took the right hand side of the two left turn lanes. light turns green, left lane starts moving, mine doesn't. i figure someone is broke down. so everybody jumps over to the right. the small-penised man in the giant lifted red truck behind me (gotta love the eastside) chirped out in the process, but my efficient wonder of a vehicle got out ahead of him. now i see that the problem is a little truck stopped in the lane. no hazard lights, no movement from inside. i was about to get out and check on the dude, but the guy ahead of me who was parallel to the vehicle in question got out first. i poked my head out my window and said "are they alright?" he just kind shrugged. at this point i assume someone is dead inside the cab. maybe a heart attack, maybe an aneurysm. perhaps a perforated colon. i started to think about how tragic it would be to die parked at a stop light. maybe tragic isn't the right word. pathetic. there we go. ever since i have been wondering how i would like to die. many people, mostly men, would suggest it would be best to go mid-coitus. others would say in your sleep. i personally want to die in an inferno of awesome glory. what that means, i don't exactly know.

the guy was asleep - in case you were wondering.

so how do you want to die?