my heart is set on leaving. i'm fighting the temptation to start applying for jobs. there are opportunities in places i want to be but the truth is i'm not ready to leave from a financial standpoint. the other issue is that i wouldn't feel right missing summer in seattle.
it's not so much that i want to leave as much as it that i feel like moving on, trying something else. this is a beautiful place, full of action, culture and no shortage of good people looking to have a good time. but it is also a lonely place, where everyone seems hung up on something that stops them from being happy, myself included
it occurred to me this morning that i'm creeping up on 8 months here. i really do love it here but i want to go before i get that 'second winter' funk that seems to cramp everyones opinion of this place.
if i could i would pack up the car and just drift from place to place. but that isn't in the cards for me. in the alternative perhaps i will just move from city to city until i feel ready to grow roots. because i don't.
seattle has taught me more about myself that i could have ever wanted to know. it's shown me my strengths while shining a great big spotlight on my weaknesses. i wouldn't trade this experience for anything. ANYTHING.
but i am horrified by the idea of having any sense of permanence. maybe this is just some fleeting feeling. maybe i'll be here forever. i don't know. what i do know is that i don't want to sign a lease. i don't want to go to grad school. i don't want to do anything that would stand in the way of me one day dropping everything and heading off somewhere.
