saturday marked one year since i arrived in seattle. it was kind of weird because last thursday i was in simi and departing for home, which coincidentally happened to mark the one year anniversay since i left. trippy - i know.
maybe i put too much weight and symbolism into things like this but anniversaries give people opportunity to look back and take stock in order to better move forward.
i promised myself i wouldn't write a 'fuck where i came from post' and i'm not going to. but the contrast between where i am from and where i am is quite sharp. i feel a sense of relief when arriving in seattle, knowing that thus far this is the best place i've found for me to be.
in retrospect i probably didn't leave california for the right reasons. there was a desperation to the whole thing which now seems sort of artificial. but i know i made the right decision, which is a powerful realization since i rarely make the right decision.
it was a rough year and there were a number of changes. i was, however, fortunate enough to make fateful connections with many people who were also going through some serious life changes. looking back it warms my heart to think about how we all held each other up and how we've mostly come out the other side wiser and stronger, with all the cool scars to show for our trials.
i am, for the first time in a long while, happy. my bills still aren't fully paid. i still don't own more than what can fit in my car. but this morning while walking to the bus stop across the I-5 bridge at 45th, i looked south and there was rainier. this was the first time since i moved (to wallingford) that it was clear enough to see it from that spot. it made me smile.
something about living in the volcanic shadow of that massive snow covered mountain just feels right. it reminds me that although imminent doom is always going to be hanging over my head, chances are that everything will, in general, be okay.
i know there's a lot of things that given the opportunity, many people would change about seattle. i respectfully disagree. there are things about this place and the way it effects people that can be annoying. but if seattle wasn't exactly the way it is i never would have met any of you people - and that to me is unacceptable.
when i think about how this place has allowed me to grow and develop, the way it forced me to get out of my comfort zone, all the weird and tasty vegan food chelsea used to coax me into eating, the bonfires, the beach trips, MTG and craft nights, the running, the knitting, the organic produce bin deliveries, the fact that i now eat thai food and tomatoes and golden beets...none of this would have happened had i continued to stay within 20 miles of where i was born.
i am grateful to have made it this far, to have learned what i've learned, to have seen what seattle has shown me - both about myself and about what it means to be alive. but more than anything i am grateful for all of you. you're all in a sense my family now and as we continue to grow i know that some of us are going to move on and that's of little consequence. no matter where we all end up in year or in ten years we will have always had these two beautiful summers and the intervening 9 months of hell, together.
i'm not going to make a list because i would inevitably leave someone out on accident and someone would be all butt hurt but i am going to say you should know if you're one of the people this is directed to, and that i love all of you.
