so i have this job. end of july i will have had this job for a year. i don't like this job. i've accepted that this is how i eat. i come to the suburbs, sit in my cube, waste the day, do a little science. that's how i put a roof over my head. do i wish i was doing something else? yes. whatever. i have what i have and it facilitates a life i rather enjoy.
it's not that i don't like the people i work with. i have almost nothing in common with a vast majority of them but they're all decent people. i have a problem with the company we work for. it really is a giant multi-national horror show when it comes to how it treats it's employees and it's customers (patients) for that matter.
today i found out that there is going to be a permanent position available to me. i have to compete with the other 2 temps for it but it's there. for months after i started here i complained and complained about wanting a permanent position. but now that it's here, i really don't want to apply for it.
conventional wisdom would tell me to just apply. it will provide stability and benefits and i can get a new job when the market improves. but i really think i just don't want it. forget the fact that the industry i'm in as a whole is not aligned with my values. i can be absolutely sure the COMPANY is antithetical to my values.
applying for this position feels like selling out. i should know because i've done plenty of it and i know that in the end it just leaves you feeling empty. what good is stability if you don't want to look at yourself in the mirror? something about this just plain feels wrong.
